just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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