best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
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