somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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