i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
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