i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
