I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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