did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
