This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
