1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
We have so much sex to catch up on
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
