You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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