I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Randomize
