at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
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