Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
