This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
