If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
