Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
soo... how was my night?
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