I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
