he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
