Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
