Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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