That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
