I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
