When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
