the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
3pm strippers are depressing
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Randomize
