I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
