All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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