I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
