That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
What drink are we having for lunch?
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
