If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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