Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
He told me they were just razor bumps!
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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