I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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