Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
if i can run in heels then i can drive
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
