Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
