her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
You may now shotgun with the bride
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
