i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
