i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Randomize
