Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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