If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Randomize
