R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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