I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
