I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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