Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
