Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
