she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
