how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
