She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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