Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
