I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Randomize
