i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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