Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
