FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
