Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
My nipple is on Facebook.
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
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