the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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