My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
