put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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