I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
They should really pass out barf bags in church
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Randomize
