i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
this beer tastes like vomit already
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Text me some of your sweat
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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