Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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