So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
only you would photoshop your dick
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Randomize
