he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
