i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
