D3 body, D1 cock
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
The air was thick with penises
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
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