On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
