Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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