I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
