I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
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