508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
The air was thick with penises
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize